20 Fake News Articles I Want to Read

20 Fake News Articles I Want to Read

As an occasional satirist and full-time sarcastic, I am intrigued by the idea of fake news. Spewing assertions when you know they are incorrect seems like something that could strike you down on the spot. Not anymore. Here are the assertions I plan to make, dust myself off, then walk away knowing I made your day a bit brighter.

  1. Cure for Teenage Anger Found in Your Child’s Favourite Food
  2. Morning Changed to 10 am Worldwide. Sleep In. You Deserve It.
  3. Donuts Found to be a Superfood
  4. Deep Breathing Discovered to Burn Calories More Efficiently Than Running
  5. Lottery Winner, Kristine Laco, Buys Coffee for All of Toronto and Still Has Millions Left
  6. ‘Bewitched’ Technology Now Available to Mothers Worldwide at No Cost
  7. People Who Lie in Public Will Actually Have Their Nose Grow. In unrelated news, President Trump found lying face first in the rose garden.
  8. You Can Watch Your Favourite TV Shows While You Sleep
  9. Those Chinese Robocalls are Actually Trying to Give you Money, this New App Lets You Cash In
  10. Ageing Was a Joke. The Joke is Over, Now Go and Enjoy.
  11. Couch Surfing Proven to Increase Life Span
  12. Men Mandated by God to Do All The Cooking for their Families
  13. Ridiculous Nail Art Banned Worldwide
  14. Coffee and Wine are Necessary to Produce the Antioxidants Required to Eliminate Disease
  15. Playing Video Games Proven to Make You Live Longer
  16. Everybody Finally Acknowledges Global Warming and Listens to the Scientists About What to Do
  17. All Your Embarrassing Moments Can Be Erased with This One Free App
  18. A New Apple iPhone 10 Given to any Blogger Mentioning the Product on Their Site
  19. Laundry Really Does Do Itself
  20. Trump Impeached and Removed from Office. USA Calls a Mulligan and Tries Again

What fake news would you like to read?

Image by Andrys Stienstra from Pixabay 

Comments

  1. They all sound like successful ‘click bait’, but I have to sigh with wishful thinking about #20.

  2. #14 FTW! Yes, yes…I’m so glad this is here…it makes my life so much easier. LOL. Great list!

  3. Definitely #19&20!!!

  4. There’s a chance #20 may come true. In unrelated news I’m curled up in a corner muttering, “Please, please, please let it happen.” Okay, technically that’s fake news since I’m not really doing that, but I am doing it metaphorically.
    And #16 reminds me of something Neil DeGrasse Tyson really said: “You can tell The Martian is fiction because all the major decisions are made by scientists.”
    Now I’m gonna have some more coffee and maybe a donut. Just in case.
    Christopher recently posted…In Harm’s Way.My Profile

    • Donut, for sure! Nothing better than a bit of sugar to make the sour taste go away.
      Gotta love scientists! Our daughter is headed into her first year of Chemistry in September and, I’m excited she chose science. Maybe the next gen of scientists will find their voice and someone will listen. Crossing fingers for that and #20.

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