Another Murderer in the Family (A Duck Dynasty)

Another Murderer in the Family (A Duck Dynasty)

The same day I posted about murdering my sister, my dog Scooby went on his own murder spree. Let me set the scene:

Lovely sunny day.

An unsuspecting mother duck nurtures her 8 adorable little ducklings in a safe spot between two fences.

A clueless dog mum (that’s me) lets her fur baby out the back door to enjoy his natural habitat and poop.

Fur baby races to his squirrel tree. He is a hearding dog so he heards them all up this giant maple and checks to make sure they are still there. Often he runs past a squirrel in his attempt to get there fast enough. Hysterical to watch.

Clueless dog mum goes about her business in the house (surfs facebook).

Clueless mum hears dog barking, which is strange. She hears tires screaching. Strange. She hears voices and sees people in her front yard. Super strange.

Facebook click bait distracts her and all is well.

So here is where the story takes a dark turn. Turns out, just as all the kiddies are walking home from school, said murderer Scooby disturbs a mother duck. The duck had set up her baby making shop just on the other side of the squirrel tree. She got spooked by something white and hairy with a loud bark. Mother duck, apparently, began flying around in a fit of anxious rage and starts squawking, flapping and carrying on. It is at this point she makes her way into traffic and – RIP mother duck.

As the kiddies are crying, the lady who hit the duck is pulled over traumatized. It was then that the 8 little ducklings previously protected in their nest by their, now dead, mother come to investigate. The fluff balls make it onto the road to check out the carnage and then freak out and run in opposite directions. Scratch that. 7 of them run under the car that killed their mother. One duckling disappears. As the concerned mothers of screaming school children try and get the 7 little ducklings to get out from under the car and animal protection is called, I was laughing at mis-spelled tattoos. That is my favourite click bait.

There is a knock on the door.

Seems duckling number 8 ran into our yard.

Now Scooby has had a history of playing with small dead animals. The look on my face must have been one of abject horror because the stranger standing there with her crying child looked taken aback. ‘Could they look in our yard?’, they asked. SHIT. ‘Of course you can!’ I retort. ‘Let me first make sure my dog isn’t chewing on the little duckling in the backyard.’

They could not find the little duckling. They returned moments later to scour our front and back yards. We were in the backyard listening/helping the search party and keeping the dog away from the perimeter. Then I heard a scream.

I crossed myself in the catholic way and then stink-eyed the dog knowing that he had a mother duck on his murder list as well as a duckling. Bad dog!

A tale of murder in the neighbourhood.

A tale of murder in the neighbourhood.

But is was not to be a second murder. They found the little guy. He was hiding amongst the nesting material and was scared. They rescued him, returned him to his orphan brothers and sisters and then we stopped looking for feathers in the dog’s teeth.

We eat our dinner in peace. Duck à l’orange anyone? (OK, it was burgers, but is that as much fun?)


  1. I dunno, I think at least part of the blame has to go to Mama Duck (dec.) for not properly scouting out her potential nest site for nearby murderdogs. Location, location, location, as they say.

    But I think duckling #8 has a bright future as a ninja.
    Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted…“You shouldn’t have…”: Father’s Day edition.My Profile

  2. OMG good thing your children weren’t home, and fb is the devil incarnate.
    how does this stuff really always happen to you?
    good thing you have a blog to tell us all about it.

  3. OK, now I feel like an idiot for asking you where the comment sections were. I forgot you have to click on the actual post. I was just scrolling through the main page. I knew this but obviously forgot. Please excuse my broken brain.

    Anyway, I was waiting for the heartwarming story at the end of how you’re now raising the baby duck as a new pet. Like, you feed it milk with an eyedropper and let it sleep in a box next to your bed so you can reach out and night and pet the little thing. How could you forget the best part of the whole story?
    Gina W. recently posted…My Bad Weekend Trip to KievMy Profile

    • Silly girl. The end of the story is my dog is responsible for orphaning 8 ducklings. I wouldn’t keep my kids or even the murderer in the room with me. My husband gets to stay only because he has nowhere else to go.

  4. Pfff.
    Duck is expensive. Totally should have kept them, fed them up and then thrown a lavish dinner party with duck confit, duck spring rolls, duck eggs (mmmmm) and possibly use the little beaks to hold place cards?

    Am I a horrible person?
    PinkNoam recently posted…Best Excuse Ever!My Profile

  5. My dog killed a stick of butter the other night. The evidence was all over her face.k
    Susie Lindau recently posted…A Passionate LifetimeMy Profile

  6. And this is why I don’t have dogs. Well, that and I am not dog-disposed.
    Cassandra recently posted…6 Signs That Your Son Is Entering PubertyMy Profile

  7. Are there any other murderers in your family that we should know about? How many murders have you committed, so far? What, exactly, would I find if I were to go digging around in your backyard?

    I’ve got my eye on you, Laco.

  8. […] was previously an accessory to a duck murder, he killed a baby chipmunk, and he played with two different dead squirrels. This should not have […]

  9. […] was previously an accessory to a duck murder, he killed a baby chipmunk, and he played with two different dead squirrels. This should not have […]

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