Ball Jokes, Sex Jokes and Girls’ Weekends

Ball Jokes, Sex Jokes and Girls' Weekends

I am a big fan of ball jokes. I am also a big fan of sex jokes. I am essentially a 12-year-old boy. So when my group of friends were stranded on an island in the rain with a boat motor that wouldn’t start, we had nothing to do but pout (me), laugh (everybody but me) and make jokes about our situation. So the Damsels in Distress asked a lovely man named Mr Innocent (name may have been changed to preserve his reputation – in fact, all names have been changed here) to help us with our boat motor. The following happened but the conversation may have been mostly in my head. Maybe not mostly, but definitely some of it. OK, so pretty much all of it happened. Gawd, you guys can get anything out of me.


Katy: Excuse me kind sir. Do you happen to know anything about these big black babies at the end of our boat thingy? (rapid eye blinking and squeezing together of breasts with arms)

Mr Innocent: Sure. Whatever I can do for a houseboat full of cougars is my absolute pleasure. And, I do mean, pleasure (wink).

Katy: (School girl giggle)

Carolina: Get back here big boy and check out our big toy.

Judie: I can’t fucking start the fucking boat. It is fucked!

Mr Innocent: Did you massage the ball?

Katy: (School girl giggle)

June: Oh yes. I have been palpating the ball and it is staying soft. Now I am suffering performance anxiety. Can you help?

Katy: (School girl giggle)

Me: (I am in my power pose trying to sing ‘You Are My Sunshine’. Don’t ask.)

Mr Innocent: Here’s your problem. You have a clamp missing. You are not getting a tight enough fit on your throttle (he may have said gas line, but that isn’t funny).

Sherry: I love a tight fit. Can you help?

Mr Innocent: I will get you apart. (He may have meant ‘a part’. But, again, not as funny.)

The Damsels waited and reviewed the ass photos that Dallas had taken while we anticipated Mr Innocent’s promise to get us all apart.

Mr Innocent inserts clamp and secures it with the coins that Selly had put in his pants while he was leaning over the tank pumping the ball.

Mr Innocent: I almost don’t want to ask this, but is the ball getting hard yet?

Me: Pump it June, Mr Innocent wants hard balls.

Katy: (School girl giggle)

June: (Rhythmically squeezing the ball) It’s hard!

Mr Innocent gets our motor running.

Later, when the Damsels were thanking Mr Innocent by giggling wildly, I thought a parting comment was in order…

Me: How many strokes are there on your engine?*


It took about 30 minutes for Mr Innocent to get all our motors running. That’s pretty good for a first time 🙂

Girls’ weekends are therapy on steroids and I have the funnest (yes, that is the wordish I want to use) friends on the planet!

*Four Strokes is apparently the answer.


  1. I’m a little jealous in regards to your fun girlfriends. My friends are more reserved and it’s not easy to let loose around them. Thank goodness for Gerald and his family. They know how to whoop it up. 🙂
    kdcol recently posted…Happy passporting!My Profile

  2. it sort of bothers me that you couldn’t fit the word “balls” into this post a bit more (giggle). But is there such a thing as too much balls? (giggle)
    eva recently posted…5 Reasons Your Tattoo Artist Won’t Return EmailsMy Profile

  3. You are a naughty girl/12-year-old boy and I wish I could play with you and your friends.

  4. Sounds like an awesome weekend! Ant and I respectfully request that you post the aforementioned ass pics for our approval…
    PinkNoam recently posted…The Best Laid PlansMy Profile

  5. […] This way I will not have to find my phone when I try to leave the house, and no one (that is you, Carolina) can steal my phone and take pictures of half-naked men that I don’t appreciate and change my […]

  6. […] if I threw you under the bus at the passport office to save my own vacation (sorry, Judie). Or, if I embarrass you in front of a perfectly nice, good looking gentleman only trying to help us. That I did to all of them. So at any time, my friends will abandon me and the job could be open. […]

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