Is Bladder Control Controlling You?
I have been asked ‘how can you make money blogging?’. OK, it was mostly Mister asking if this site could be his retirement plan, but I didn’t start this site to make money. I started this site to get the shit off me, like an online journal. Writing is my therapy and it is a whole lot cheaper than a therapist, I can assure you.
So this, my friend(s), is my commitment to you, my loyal fan(s).*
1. I will not sell myself out for pop-ups. One of my favourite bloggers just added these crazy ads to her site that literally come out from the right into my line of sight and block her words. Her words are hysterical and they are blocked. WTF?
So I, the writer, hereby swear to deter any and all distracting ads for tampons, juice boxes and as-seen-on-tv merchandise (as awesome as they are) from advertising using pop-ups on this site. I promise never to pop anything up in front of you unless it is a middle finger or a real glass of wine.
2. I will not sell myself out for products that don’t make me laugh, squeal with delight or I think we all need. I have recently unfollowed some bloggers who began touting the Underawareness campaign. If you haven’t seen it, it is for adult diapers (sound of silence as you process that). Yes, grown women, and I unfortunately have to use the plural on this one, started having Twitter parties and posting blog posts on wearing your disposable diapers outside as pants. Although that makes me laugh it is not for the right reason. So my pledge is:
I, the writer, hereby commit to only offering sponsorship on this site to companies who produce products or provide services that I would love to be a part of and think my reader(s) would also enjoy.
3. Contests. I will take a funny poll on occasion, but a contest is not gonna happen.
I, the writer, agree that contests do not have a place in blog posts on this site. However, if someone wants to give me a car to give-away (don’t laugh so hard, that’s not the funny part) then I am sure you, the fan(s), won’t mind a contest. When I write a book (that’s not the funny part either), I will give some of those babies away.
4. Finally, I am not a review writer. Would you write about the benefits of freezer-to-oven meals in your journal? You might write about the benefits of condoms if it was too late already but not the benefits of freezer-to-oven meals.
I, as writer, swear that I will not take money to write reviews on this website to court a sponsor or satisfy an agreement. If I don’t believe in it, I won’t write about it.
5. There you have it. My legalease for my site. This is not to say that I wouldn’t like to make a bit of money, but I have my standards.
I, the writer, clearly understand that I have alienated 99.9% of any possible funds in saying these things. But I believe my loyal fan(s) will send me money if I find myself living in a box on the street, so I’ll be ok. I think Mister just started to cry.
If I do sell myself out and you want to call me on it, I will gladly accept your criticism and write a blog post about you wearing your adult diapers. Win/win.
*This is in no way a commentary on what other bloggers are doing to feed their families. So, if you love pop-ups and reading about freezer-to-oven meals, then this is your warning that you may miss a car contest but it was nice you stopped by.