Dinner Party Fail Revisited
We recently had really good friends of ours for dinner and everything was amazing! Good company, good food and good conversation. We even had a bit of Cards Against Humanity action. But all dinner parties are not created equal are they? We have had our fair share of dinner failures, but this was my favourite.
We were living in Melbourne in a small flat and meager possessions. We owned 4 dinner plates and were having a couple over for dinner. Mister brought the raw chicken out to the BBQ on a plate, rinsed the plate quickly and then put it on the table.
Me: You need to wash that with soap.
Mister: Why?
Me: To avoid poisoning our friends with salmonella.
Mister: I will sit there.
Seemed a good compromise to me.
When it came time to sit, our friend (let’s call him David because that is his name) sat at the chicken plate. I said “No, sit here instead”. The seat happened to be beside me.
The entire night I kept hitting David with my legs, no matter how close to my end of the table they were. I must have said a good dozen Canadian sorry’s and thought nothing of it. Until… cue ominous music.
A couple of weeks later we received a letter (yes, I said letter) in the mail from David. He was sorry for playing footsie with me that night (Mister had plenty of questions… to which I answered ‘He was playing footsie?’. I was dumbfounded). David thought that I wanted to sit beside him because I wanted to swing. FUCK! How does that happen? We had been friends with them for over two years. Travelled together. Dinned together lots of times. We never said “I would like to see you naked?”, or, “How about leaving your key in this bowl?” You’d think it would have come up before then. (Come up, see what I did there? Of course you did–naughty.)
David and my girlfriend divorced shortly after ‘the incident’ and then he hijacked a plane.
Isn’t that how all good stories end?
*Mister thought it ironic to get me a surfboard keychain considering I broke myself surfing. He is thoughtful like that.
No! Did he really hijack a plane?!
That’s quite a leap from “sit next to me” to “let’s have an affair.” Did you and his wife ever discuss what happened? Did you ever even see them again? Maybe David and his wife had discussed this before they came to your house that evening. Maybe your girlfriend was going to go for your husband.
Goodness, Kristine…you must be so irresistible that David lost his wits, you homewrecker.
Still friends with his wife. We talked about it and it may have inadvertently contributed to their break-up. So, yeah, homewrecker fits.
And, yes, he hijacked a plane.
I hope you know that I’m just teasing you about being a homewrecker. 🙂 How sad for your girlfriend to have married someone like David. I’m glad that this whole episode didn’t ruin your friendship with her.
I knew you were joking. No worries. He was a good guy who ended up with a mental illness. He was a good friend to us for years and it was sad how he ended up. I am glad my friend got out when she did and now she has a fabulous husband and many wonderful kidlets.
Too bad David didn’t get the salmonella plate. Risk giving someone salmonella, accidentally initiate swinging. Risk giving someone salmonella, accidentally initiate swinging. Decisions. Decisions.
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Tough one. Funny thing is that we later gave his wife salmonella by accident. Another story for another time.
Wow! Reading your blog is like watching episodes of the old “Perils of Pauline” movies! What will happen next?!?!? Stay tuned ’til next week!!!!!
So much pressure for my life to be irrational and unpredictable. Don’t worry, I am on it!
Several questions; were you naked during dinner? was David? Did you say something that could have been misconstrued like, “sit next to me because I want to touch your penis” – if you have answered No to at least 2 out of 3 I think that was allll David – perhaps a little wishful thinking on his part?
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I wasn’t supposed to touch his penis? That explains it.
Sure, blame the robots. They always take all the heat.
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I blame Mister for everything else so I thought I would give him a break this time.
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