Dirty Driving

Dirty Driving

Dirty driving is much like dirty dancing. In dirty dancing, you spend most of the time thinking about sex and making sex moves. In dirty driving you think about sex but don’t do the moves. See, exactly the same. So my dirty driving today began with the picture above. It seems a harmless enough photo of my car’s back up camera. If you look closely though, you will see what looks like a blurry circle. It is probably a water droplet, but I laughed out loud that maybe there was a naked man behind the car but it was being censored (notice the word Graphic too – classic stuff). Thus, my dirty driving began.

I spent a total of 35 minutes in the car to get home from an appointment today and began observing, with my smutty own eyes, the items around me that might be considered everyday. Drive with your filthy lenses on and the world is downright hysterical. So I present, Dirty Driving 101.

dirty drive Collage

 

  • Go ahead and look up Gooch in the urban dictionary, I’ll wait. New appreciation huh? Fun place to live and work I dare say.
  • Frank-wood is self explanatory. Good on ya Frank!
  • Look hard at Man Food (see what I did there?). I am sure it was a simple sign for Manila, Maniac or Mango Food. Hopefully it was not Manure Food because that is really dirty. But from where I was parked it was Man Food. Notice they do take out? Good to know. You are welcome.
  • Bonar may seem innocent enough. Now put on your smut glasses and pronounce it with and ‘er’ instead. Now you get it! OK, don’t get it yet, wait one more minute.
  • Rear Ends – that one just explains itself.
  • Sorry Martin but once you sell your Jewels, your store, and you, seem a little useless. Come to think of it though, it did look like it had been around a while. Poor Martin.
  • Milky Way sounds like a delightful place to live with stars and planets, moons and suns. Not on a dirty drive. That Milky Way might just intersect with Beaver Avenue and bingo, bango, we have ourselves a date.
  • Speaking of Milk… Danny got into the action early. So convenient.
  • And finally, for those with ED, the distance from hard to soft was only about 3 inches. Sorry boys.

There you have it. My dirty drive complete. I made it home starting with my wet rear view and finally coming home to a happy ending. Maybe it’s a full moon 🙂

 

Tell me some of the fun stuff you see around your drive. Mr Lube comes to mind… The man is known to be lubricated. Seriously, that is a big seller!


Comments

  1. except for hiway flirting once i’ve never had such an experience as yours. your mind is again a special place to live.

    xo

  2. Gooch assassin, Gooch butter, gooch cheese, loose gooch. Yeah so I looked it up.
    kdcol recently posted…The dirty, the itchy, and the scratchyMy Profile

  3. You are like a cross between a thirteen-year-old boy and a brazen hussy. I’m just glad happy you didn’t get into (or cause) any accidents. And what’s this happy ending you came home to?! Get your mind out of the gutter, woman!

    • I meant that the post was finally over so I was happy. What did you mean?
      Brazen Hussy… I think a t-shirt is in order.

      • Well…since you were being all smutty and stuff I thought maybe you were playing with the words “wet rear,” “coming home,” and “happy ending.” Maybe I’m the smutty one!

        My sister called me a brazen hussy when I was 10 and she was 12, though I have no idea why and didn’t at the time, either. All I remember is that my 13-year-old brother talked me into smoking pot with him, which she disapproved of, and that she was also mad at me because I’d cracked the lid to the toilet tank in my hurry to open it and pull up the bulb to stop the toilet from over-flowing. Plus, I’d knocked over a plant and barfed in the sink and didn’t clean either mess up. As stoned 10-year-olds will do.

        I’d love to wear a Brazen Hussy t-shirt!

  4. I was recently doing some investigation into living in the Netherlands and discovered that their word for ‘shopping cart’ is ‘winkelwagentje’. I read ‘winkle wagon’ and laughed. Way too hard.
    PinkNoam recently posted…35 Years Old and Still Rockin’My Profile

  5. another stunning example of 1. why I love you 2. why the internet (and google) exists – it really had been Too Long (wink wink) since I heard the word gooch
    eva recently posted…Tattoos and Rock and RollMy Profile

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