Emergency Room Wisdom Part II
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I think the man poop smell is finally gone. What replaced it are the scars of the night spent hanging out with our dog sitter while her arm was reset.
Here is the last of my emergency room wisdom. Enjoy.
1. When I closed my eyes to try and block out the images, the sounds reminded me of Pong. Fabulous game that we all know and love from the 80s and that my kids think is insanely hard on the iPad. I find it too hard too but have decided to tell them that I just don’t play it because I don’t want to ruin their high score of 3.
2. I now know what a Form 1 is. It is an order to keep someone in the hospital against his or her will. I am certain they had one out on me, because I was not willingly there after 17 minutes.
3. If you wear a blue Gilligan’s hat to emergency three things will happen. 1) You will poop the bed. 2) While you are being cleaned up, a stranger with a cute scarf covering her face will walk by on her way to the bathroom for fresh air and unexpectedly see your penis. 3) After you are discharged via ambulance, you will boomerang back 45 minutes later via ambulance. Moral, leave the hat at home if you are going to hospital as it may not be as lucky as you think.
4. The bathroom really has the freshest air in emerg. No lying!
5. They don’t use the word stat like I had hoped. I asked for the nurse ‘to get me the hell out stat’ and she told me that they never use that word (not that she didn’t know what I was talking about and she certainly didn’t act on my request).
6. Snoring is like periods**, if you are near someone else snoring they start to sync up. The emergency room became a veritable symphony of pings and snores at 1am.
** Periods are not like snoring because they sound more like ‘oh shit’ and less like percussion. Although periods do sometimes sound like ‘thank God’ if you have been anywhere near Chuck E Cheese’s and sometimes clapping does happen in those cases, which is percussion. Ignore my previous comment.
7. Nurses, other than the not getting my stat comment, are generally fabulous. They are constantly working, infinitely patient, get to wear the comfiest clothes to work and have a great sense of humour about their jobs. Happy nurse’s week! Love a nurse today.