Friday F-Off – Warning: This is another poop story.
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MY FRIDAY F-OFF
Some Fridays I will take time to tell you about something pissing me off.
Therapy for me. Mild amusement at my expense for you. Win-Win.
This is the lovely collection of poop bags from the other morning. No, I am not feeding my dog Metamucil. No, I have not been lazy and decided to pick up once/week. This is the collection of dog poops NOT belonging to my dog that I found on my front lawn. Strike One.
That’s right ladies and gentlemen, there is a giant dog pooping on our lawn on a daily basis. I think I know who it is but can’t yet be sure.
So far my clandestine adventures include sending Mister to follow the potential offender after finding a hot steamer on the front lawn. He waved a bag at the nearest dog owner who promptly denied that his dog went anywhere near our lawn. Strike Two.
Since, I have seen this guy walking his dog off leash while he works his thumbs to the bone on his iPhone. He is not paying attention when he is walking and the dog is running amuck. I, unfortunately, see this guy only when I am in the car driving our son to school and he is gone by the time I get the boy on the bus. Strike Three.
This week we added a sign to our yard. G13 made the sign and I am particularly proud of the steaming pile of poop she added for affect.
Next day-ish, poop right under said sign. Strike Four. That’s right, I gave him 4 strikes. I’m a saint.
This is war!
Today I bought a camera online. It wasn’t expensive, but it will take a picture of anyone setting foot, or paw, on our little patch of grass. Once installed (that will be another post, no doubt), I plan to post the offender’s ugly mug on the telephone poles in the neighbourhood with a bag attached saying ‘If you see this man, give him a dog bag so that he can take care of his animal.’. I will also blast him on social media. Hopefully he is famous and I get some press for this. What? It could happen. Stranger things have. Haven’t you been reading my blog? Racoon zombies, a fly pooping in my eye and I saw my neighbour naked. This shit just happens y’all.
If this doesn’t stop him, I will call the Animal Shelter people and tell them he is walking his dog off lead and not taking care of business or, I will say he exposed himself in my window when I dial 911. I will decide when the time comes.
To be continued…