A Frightening Scene in Time for Halloween

A Frightening Scene in Time for Halloween

I was on our front stoop listening to how the meek will inherit the earth from two, well-dressed, readers of scripture. While I was trying to evaluate my own life (read: figure out how to politely removed the Jehovah’s Witnesses from our front stoop without resorting to retrieving my tarot cards) when I looked to the sound coming from the back yard. The gate was open, which was my first clue something was wrong. My second clue was the dog. He was chowing down on something that used to be alive. Scooby got rid of my visitors be proving the strong survive and the meek are eaten head first.

Not kidding.

Scooby was previously an accessory to a duck murder, he killed a baby chipmunk, and he played with two different dead squirrels. This should not have surprised me then when he was biting the head off (I’m sorry, but this one is worse than the duck) a bunny. Yup, Scooby looked up at me screaming at the Jehovah’s/at him to ‘get away,’ and he had bunny fur hanging from his lips.

We’ve been trying to figure out the mystery of how the bunny died and made it to the middle of our yard. Here are the facts of this case. I’ll leave it to the jury of people reading this blog to determine Scooby’s innocence or guilt. His punishment will be the same either way–none. In fact, he might get a cookie because he may (and I stress MAY) be a murderer, but he’s just so darn cute.

  1. There has been a bunny hanging around the neighbourhood. We have seen him on our walks when we were on the lookout for skunks (because Scooby got skunked AGAIN this year). We all did the obligatory “Aww, it’s a bunny.” Scooby was oddly silent. Exhibit A: Alive bunny on our neighbour’s lawn.

    Awww… so cute. So not delicious.

  2. The bunny and the dog are both not tall enough to open the gate latch. Sure, the bunny can hop, but not comically high. So it was likely the lawn service which was two days prior forgot to latch the gate. That means the foxes, coyotes, or coywolves could have ‘got’ the bunny and left it there for later.
  3. Foxes, coyotes, and coywolves do not leave the delicious fatty body just lying around for later. That is the goal if you hunt a bunny–or so I imagine.
  4. Scooby does not have previous experience with which part of the bunny is the most delicious, but he has bitten the head off his toy stuffies. Exhibit B: Lamby.

    Lamby. May he rest in peace.

  5. Lamby still has his head but no body. Score one for the dog.
  6. Could an owl have done this and left the remnants for later? We do have a small owl that comes to visit and from my extensive (3-hour) falconry experience, we did feed the owl a quail’s head. That may not be the same as a bunny head, but it is similar enough.

    The owl is hard to see, but, I believe, that is the point. Trust me, it’s an owl in our tree.

  7. Scooby is a sheepdog. That might imply he is all-seeing and maybe even quick, but how can that be true I ask? Exhibit C: His haircut.

    Can he really see a bunny in front of his face when he doesn’t know a leaf is stuck to said-face?

  8. Could this face really be guilty of killing a bunny? Exhibit D: Innocent face.

Is this really the mug of a killer?

All of this investigation leads me to several unanswered questions.

  1. Should Scooby be punished for eating the food clearly left dead for his consumption in the backyard?
  2. Will the Jehovah’s ever return?
  3. What will I have to do to get rid of my Jehovah’s friends next time?
  4. Do you believe Scooby when he says he is innocent?
  5. Do I need to sleep with one eye open?
  6. Is this the end of the reign of terror in our backyard and can small animals return in safety (except the skunk… that can stay away, please!)?

Comments

  1. Scooby is clearly not guilty! (This is hilarious- minus cute dead bunny)

  2. There is no doubt in my mind that Scooby is innocent, although I shudder to think there’s a more insidious explanation, one which is the subject of a poem by Philip Larkin in which he says,
    “You may have thought things would come right again
    If you could only keep quite still and wait.”
    And Scooby looks much to meek to be a cold-blooded killer. That combined with your Jehovah’s Witnesses visitors, not to mention the time of year, puts me in mind of the words of Crystal, Ronette, and Chiffon:
    “They say the meek shall inherit
    You know the book doesn’t lie
    It’s not a question of merit
    It’s not demand and supply
    They say the meek gonna get it
    And you a meek little guy…”

    Give that dog a cookie. He may even be protecting you from unknown horrors in your garden. And sleep well!

  3. 1. Should Scooby be punished for eating the food clearly left dead for his consumption in the backyard? No way!

    2. Will the Jehovah’s ever return? If you are lucky, no. I once had Mono and they weren’t even deterred by that after I informed them.

    3. What will I have to do to get rid of my Jehovah’s friends next time? Something other than mono. Maybe full frontal nudity?

    4. Do you believe Scooby when he says he is innocent? Sorry but I don’t. I have a cute, very innocent looking Golden Retriever that has dispatched more than his fair share of fauna.

    5. Do I need to sleep with one eye open? No need to worry. Your pet dogs will only eat you if you die and don’t feed them.

    6. Is this the end of the reign of terror in our backyard and can small animals return in safety (except the skunk… that can stay away, please!)? I would post an enter at your own risk sign.

    This is what my teddy bear of a dog brought to me as a gift the other day: (Trigger warning!)
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    https://www.dropbox.com/s/voe1739y63y4u93/2019-09-29%2017.06.00.jpg?dl=0

  4. Maybe the brain is the tastiest part? Was the bunny given a proper funeral? Probably should have had the Jehovah’s take it to a ‘better place’. I have questions about Scooby’s breath and bodily functions (post consumption), but I suspect I really don’t want to know.

  5. he is just so darn cute!! <3

  6. While I can’t condone the beheading of innocent rabbits, I do applaud Scooby for his novel approach to Jehovah Witness removal. I vote half a cookie..

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