The Holes in My Shirts are Going to Cost Us
There are lots of theories why I have tiny holes in my shirts now.
- My belly button is trying to see what the fuck is going on.
- My pants are so tight they are trying to escape and my shirt is in the way.
- I am too cheap to buy shirts that withstand the wash.
- I am too lazy to wash things on gentle even if it says on the label to do so (which I would never know because I don’t read cleaning labels. Go ahead. Judge me. I dare you. Might want to wait until you read #5 though.)
- I have very poor knife skills.
But the real reason is very simple. I’m a leaner. I lean against the counter causing the button or zipper of my pants and my shirt to press against the hard surface. The first step is always admitting you have a problem.
I could solve this problem in several ways.
- I could have all counters in my house lowered by six inches. Mister thinks that is unreasonable. I think he should think again.
- I could wear mom jeans with a high rise and plastic zipper. I’ll give you a hint; the counters dropping are more likely.
- I could wear nothing but polyester. HA! That isn’t even a thing is it?
- I could wear leather elbow patches on all of my shirts at the bellybutton height.
- I could stop leaning.
Seems that the counters moving is the only reasonable option. I’ll keep you posted when we have the renovation planned.
PS: I have a piece running on Scary Mommy on Tuesday! Watch for, “I Stopped Yelling at my Kids and it Ruined My Life.” I will add the link when I have it. It’s official. I’m big news now and you knew me when 🙂