How I Predict the Weather
I have been a migraine sufferer my whole life without knowing it. It seems like it might be something you know about yourself so let me explain.
When I went to the neurologist after a concussion about five years ago she wanted me to fill out a headache history questionnaire. I told her that I get the usual headaches 2-3 times per week.
“What do you mean by usual headaches?” she asked.
“You know? Everyday headaches,” I added.
“What is an everyday headache?” Really? Who is the doctor here? This seems like something a person who asks you to fill in a headache questionnaire should know.
“The kind that everyone gets. Stress or dehydration headaches. You know?”
Mister was looking at me like I had two heads. One with a headache and one with a giant squid growing from its ear.
The doctor proceeded to tell me that headaches are not normal. ‘Everyday headaches’ are a sign of migraines. Mind. Blown. I thought everyone had headaches? If you have them, they are, apparently, not normal. Get them checked.
The moment reminded me of these weird bones I have in my mouth that I didn’t know were weird. I was 25 when a dentist told me, “There is no reason to remove your torus mandibularis.” (I had to look that up. I did not remember it, likely because I had a headache when he told me.)
“Why would I remove part of my mouth?”
“You don’t have to is what I am saying.”
After much useless banter in which neither of us understood each other, probably because my mouth was now full of bones, I discovered what he was trying to say.
“You have these bone growths in the bottom of your mouth that are NOT in everyone’s mouth.”
Mind. Blown. I had never examined other people’s mouths before and assumed that we were all created equally. Same with the headaches. I hadn’t asked anyone else if they got headaches because I assumed everyone did since they were omnipresent in my world. I would normally let them pass through the day and maybe twice a month treat it with some pain killers. LIKE EVERYONE DOES!
Now that I look back, I used to play with the coloured lights in front of my eyes and try and get them to match up. OK, now I know they were auras, but you don’t just talk about this kind of thing. I mean, playing with the unicorn coloured lights that didn’t actually exist didn’t hurt me but saying it out loud on the schoolyard would have. “Hey, does anyone want to help me get the unicorn lights to match up in front of my eyes at recess? Right here. Can’t you see them? Are you blind?” That’s the stuff that makes a target for ridicule (as I was) a target for Jo’s right fist (which was always my goal to avoid). Looking back, maybe I did know they were not normal, but I wasn’t willing to admit I wasn’t like everyone else in this way because I already had far too many differences and I needed to share the wealth.
Today I spent most of it in bed. This was not an everyday headache. Tomorrow the weather is going to drop and begin to rain. I have since figured out that my migraines are triggered, mostly, by a dramatic change in barometric pressure. That’s right y’all, my body has magic weather signals. Who needs The Weather Channel app or a degree in meteorologisting, when you have all you need in one package. And, because this might be normal, or not, I’m sharing how I know the weather each morning.
How I Predict the Weather
My head hurts from the barometric pressure change. WARNING: dramatic weather change imminent.
If I wake up and my feet are sore (specifically my left foot, big toe side). It is going to be freezing cold.
If my stomach hurts like I’m too full, it is going to be a scorcher. That one is more drinking beer and eating too much bbq than actual weather but they do happen to coincide a lot in the summer. It was also a scorcher yesterday so less prediction and more regret.
If my eyes are dry and itchy, it is going to be windy. Not kidding. This appears to be my new superpower.
If I wake up sad, it will be cloudy. Maybe it is the seasonal affective disorder
(SAD for short) or maybe just my insane ability to predict the weather. I’m going to go with the latter because I have already proven that normal is NOT my superpower.
If I am sore, it is going to rain. I am mostly sore in all of my previously broken bones so it could be some arthritis. Since there are a lot of previously broken bones (I think 9), I feel it all over.
There you have it. My superpower revealed. What is your superpower and do you need to see a doctor based on this discussion? Tomorrow’s weather in Toronto… I predict rain with a ray of sunshine when the Raptors win the NBA Championships. You can take that one to the bank.
As usual… GIFs are from Giphy
Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash