Justin Beaver

A beaver chewed down two trees in the middle of our cottage property.

What I know about beavers can be summed up in one sentence:

“Beavers have front teeth that never stop growing and they use them to chop trees to dam up rivers.”

Rivers is the operative word here. The river is 10 minutes by speed boat from our house. He* managed to drag one of the trees 20 feet away but still didn’t make it to the lake.

* I am using the pronoun he because this beaver clearly didn’t ask for directions to the river and a female beaver would have.

Oh, I do know one more thing about beavers, more trivia than real knowledge. I used to talk about beaver dams a lot when I was a kid just to use the word dam. Equally funny (to a 10-year-old), I talked about dogs having babies and the devil’s home. You figure it out. Good times.

I think this beaver needs therapy and/or a GPS.

To help our lost beaver, I am thinking of brewing some ayahuasca, coating our trees and setting up the video on a tripod with a motion sensor and alarm to wake me up.

When the beav is good and hallucinaginating (I just made that up!), I will take him in the boat, speaking beaver so he doesn’t feel threatened, and whisk him back to the river. When he comes out, he will be happy to be near a river and can dam that bitch all to hell.

I just need to get to Peru, smuggle the ayahuasca, buy a video camera, a tripod and a motion sensor with a trip wire alarm.

This will be YouTube gold.

I won’t need this free blog to live off anymore, I will have the free viral video to take me to retirement. Bring on the Beav!