Maybe I Will Wait to Invite David Suzuki Over for a Fish Fry

Maybe I Will Wait to Invite David Suzuki Over for a Fish Fry

When they told me that the kitchen sink was not attached to the drains I said ‘Yeah right?’. When they said the reason we never flooded even when our neighbours did was because all the drains under our house had collapsed, I thought ‘You have to be making that up’. When the smell was so bad the plumbers had to leave the house I thought ‘Everyone is over-reacting’. When they said that the earth had been washed away under the concrete I said ‘That’s cray cray’. I returned from 3 days away to this:

drain pipe Collage

Meet my bathroom, hallway, furnace room and laundry. Wanna visit?

The smell was mostly gone only because it had been several days with the windows open, but the disaster remained. What started as a bid to get rid of my sewer flies has become an all-out war on drains. You see, everything coming from the kitchen sink (including the dishwasher and the garborator) was not draining to the sewer system. Instead, it was just falling into a wet pit of mud and food waste under our house. Cue flies and stench. That is why we could not invite David Suzuki to our house. Not because we don’t know him, don’t eat only organic and have never personally built a well in Africa, it was the drains.

None of this repair is sexy money.

After all that work and expense, you would think that I would never have to plunge again… until today. I truthfully think we all need to see a doctor. Clearly our turds are above regulation size because we have all new drains so no excuse for plumbing problems.


The other night there was a flash flood in Toronto. The water from the storm sewers came all the way up our front yard and was bubbling in the street creating a river in front of our house. We watched. We crossed our fingers. We laughed because the basement was dry except for the tear running down my cheek. We laughed because some loser went through our street river too slow and stalled his car. Good times folks.

Now our contractor is laughing his way to the bank as we add yet another great idea to the project. That guy saw us coming a mile away!

Next they fill the gap between the floor and the earth underneath. Hopefully it is not a river running under our guest room. I might get a fishing rod out just in case. Suzuki will be proud.


  1. thank God you don’t have to cook in the basement. xo

  2. If I were in your place I do the exact thing

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