Moist Misery

Moist Misery


adjective: slightly wet; damp or humid.

alternatively: necessary; expensive; time consuming; annoying.

moistMind out of the gutter folks. I am talking about my moisture routine. Using a plethora of moisture products has taken me a long way in my anti-aging quest. HA! That was a joke. There has been no change in my quest to reverse the aging process despite me making a fool of myself in Starbucks.

I have already discussed my obsession with lip balm (just writing about it, I applied it twice), but I am truly feeling comfortable with you now so I am revealing all my secrets. I need a total of 9 moisturizers after the shower in order to get to bed and a further 6 in the morning to be presentable. Accounting for duplication of morning and night, I need 11 different products.

FYI None of these are nipple moisturizers in case you were wondering. That shipped sailed long ago. When I was breastfeeding 10 years ago the total was 10. Thank goodness for small miracles. That wasn’t in reference to our son, that was in reference to the now discarded Lanolin.

Anywho… I thought I would share my moist misery with you, my loyal follower (crickets) in case you want to be like me. OK, that one made me laugh out loud.

My night routine (not including moisturizing shampoo, conditioner and moisturizing face wash):
  1. Body Lotion
  2. Hair Oil
  3. Toner
  4. Serum
  5. Moisturizer
  6. Lip Balm (usually applied twice)
  7. Eye Cream
  8. Night Cream
  9. Hand & Foot Cream (thankfully they are the same product)

My morning routine (Not including a moisturizing deodorant. Why do I need moist pits? Isn’t the point to make them unmoist? Must look into that…):

  1. Toner
  2. Moisturizer (includes SPF so I skip a step – economizing I like to call it)
  3. Lip Balm
  4. Spray Minerals
  5. Tinted Moisturizer
  6. Hand Cream

In summary, you can not be like me unless you take out a loan for hydration products. If each were, on average, $40, that would be an astounding $440 for moisture which should be, essentially, free if I just drank more water. Ugh.

Is this anywhere near what your moisture regime is? Am I being hosed by the makeup industry? I am definitely a sucker for new products but now that I lay them all out, I am wondering whether I have a problem. What do you think? To be clear… I know I have lots of problems but the problem at hand is my addiction to beauty industry jars and tubes.

PS: Lip balm application during writing and editing = 6 times. Make that 7.

PPS: This may appear to be a Bobbi Brown ad. It is not. They always seem to sponsor Ladies Day at the ski hill and I am, as previously mentioned, a sucker for new products. They get me every time. They also tell me I need to hydrate every time. WTF?! What more can I do?


  1. I’ve tried moisturizers that would (maybe) help with wrinkles and such but I end up having to go back to my acne prevention s***. Forty something years old and I still fight acne. Bleh. But I totes understand about all the products. It’s cray. Not only is it lots of $$$, it’s also lots of time. It takes me FOREVER to get ready for bed, even without 9 different moisturizers. Oh and I guess I’m a lip balm junkie too.

  2. I’m just jacking with ya. There’s a young whipper snapper in my office who talks like that all the time. Hmm I believe I have picked up on some of today’s hip and happening lingo. Hahaha. Guess that didn’t last long! (Who says ‘hip’ anymore?)

  3. I, too, am attempting to hold back the ravages of time – I’ve tried and discarded a myriad of products – only to do it all again. I’m thinking of bagging it all and going a totally natural route (I’ve heard great things about cleaning with coconut oil and using a homemade apple cider vinegar toner). I keep lip balm on my computer at work, in my purse and on my nightstand in my bedroom. Just reading this post compelled me to apply some.

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