Monocles Make a Comeback

Monocles Make a Comeback

An article in 2014 from the NY Times claimed monocles were making a comeback in the hipster community based on rapper Jose Vega sporting one. They were wrong. The monocle did not make a comeback then. Now. Now is when monocles are going to be the go-to accessory of the season. Because I am a trend-setter is why.

I wear a monocle. You don’t see it because it is a contact lens I wear only in my left eye. It makes me bionic in the reading department and makes me not feel quite so bumbling and old.

We easily have twenty pairs of reading glasses in our house but, I can never find any of them. There are little empty vases all over the place that once held cheaters to be within arms reach. Now they are just pathetic empty vases. Maybe it looks like I’m pining for flowers when I couldn’t see them if they were there anyway. PS: I am just pining to see. No flowers required.

My arms are long enough to read a menu or a book without readers but I need to squint, tilt my head just right, have the perfect lighting, and absolute quiet to concentrate. With my monocle, I just read like a normal person and look so badass doing it that I want to read more. Now I read on the subway, in the toilet, in a restaurant, and anywhere else there are words. It’s fabulous!

Be like one of the cool kids… get a monocle today. Here are the steps you need to follow:

  1. See an optometrist
  2. Ask for a reading contact lenses prescription
  3. Learn how to poke yourself in the eye
  4. Be cool like Mr Peanut

Image Courtesy of Planters Peanuts. Wear monocles responsibly… with pants. Just because your sight is better in one eye does not mean you’d look better wearing only a top.

How it works: I have one eye that sees distance now and the other is a reader. It took about 3 weeks to fully adjust, but it is pretty sweet now that I am fully sighted.

Warning: Be patient if this is the first time you’ve had to poke at your own eye. It takes a bit of time but I am proof that an old dog can learn new tricks even though some days I still struggle with a lens popping out or a lens getting lost in my eyeball. At the end of the day, it is worth it!


I thought I would introduce you to some of my fellow 30 Day Writing Challenge friends. Today, check out Ripped Jeans & Bifocals. I have shared a platform with Jill on BluntMoms. She’s a great writer and a good egg.


Comments

  1. Is this real? I love the idea of having a secret monocle. I’m long overdue to see an optometrist. I’ve recently had to upgrade to a stronger cheater to read.

  2. So. You can see far away with one eye and close up with the other? Forget poking myself in the eye – anything to do with touching my eyes is an immediate nope. I just can’t picture how you can keep your equilibrium. Do you have to close one eye to read and the other to drive? Or is it like bifocals which I also can’t get the hang of.

  3. What?! I had NO IDEA this was a thing! Crazy beans! And awesome.

  4. Ok, so you just look with both eyes and your brain adjust to just reading with one? I am really interested in this since I too have readers everywhere and stink at remembering them !
    Melissa Coble recently posted…I’m Sorry, I Wasn’t Paying AttentionMy Profile

  5. A few years ago I was listening to a news quiz and they talked about monocles making a comeback. I’m pretty sure it was before the New York Times article and so they can add this to their list of times when reality imitated satire which I know is something that both delights and frustrates satirists.
    Anyway a monocle sounds like a good idea. I have to put my glasses on to watch TV but then I put them up on my head to read, which I often do during commercials.
    Christopher recently posted…When You’re A Stranger.My Profile

  6. I was wearing a stealth monocle for seven years until my current eye issues. Now I’m trying to start a new trend…. eye patches.
    Arionis recently posted…642 Things To Write About – 5/642My Profile

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