Do NOT listen to your inner voice! Wait DO listen to your inner voice!
I say, the little voice in my head is deliberately trying to sabotage my already stressful day/week/life. I can never tell whether he is serious about his advice (I call my voice a he because I woman wouldn’t mess with me like this).
If you don’t believe me, here are four unrelated yet, concrete examples (that will be funnier in a minute):
1. I was putting empty beer cans and bottles in my favourite wine-carrying bag this morning. I like the bag because it perfectly separates six bottles and doesn’t make you look like I drink too much because I can carry it with one hand. As I was stacking empties into it, my head-voice told me that I shouldn’t be doing this because the cans and bottles will tip and make a stinky-sticky mess out of my favourite bag. I told my voice to stop being negative and that is when I heard the laughing in my head and the beer cans decided to dance. No music. Just dance on their own. They tipped, they went upside down. It would have been magical had I not been trying to curtail their efforts and it kept getting worse and laughter kept getting louder. Seriously a moment that can not be recreated because it was my head getting back at me for shutting it up.
2. Contractors had poured concrete in our basement. A 3 foot by 5 foot patch of an, otherwise, much larger basement. My only instructions were to keep everyone off the concrete for the night. Easy. It wasn’t even where anyone would want to walk. I thought this might be a good time to order a pizza and put on a movie but my head said ‘why don’t you do laundry?’. Being the (sic) fabulous housewife I am, I dutifully agreed. Wearing my hoop skirt, sensible heals and ribbon in my hair, I skipped carrying a small neatly pilled basket of dirty laundry around the patch to the destination on the other side… the laundry room. Oh wait, that isn’t what happened. I was wearing my high heel boots, leather jacket and jeans with a basket pilled higher than my head. I tried to avoid the concrete by tripping all the way through it, stumbling to keep the basket steady and dig those heels in really far. I wish I had taken a picture but I had to call the contractor, so I was busy paying a guy to laugh/yell at me. (concrete examples… get it now?)
3. ‘It’s my birthday. Do I have to wear a party hat?’ Mister said that to me nine months before our son was born.* Inner voice, said ‘go for it’. Where is that laughter coming from? **, ***
4. Little voice said nothing when I threw a pair of shoes into the GoodWill yesterday. Son woke up this morning looking for them. There’s that laughing again…
Instincts? Calm is not an option.
* just to be clear… we wanted another child but hadn’t decided to try yet.
** I was not laughing at the birthday gift. My head was laughing at leading me astray.
*** We got the last laugh. Our kid rocks!