New Advances in Fetal Communication Leaving Scientist Speechless

fetal communication

A child in New York City has come out of the womb complaining that her parents were too loud during her fetal days. “We taught her sign language while she was gestating and were surprised by how much she retained,” Mrs. Hollis signed while she talked to us, so as not to exclude her girl, Bethany.

After pronouncing her Apgar score to be a perfect ten by showing all her exquisitely formed digits, Bethany’s first words were, “Can we stop all the bickering?” Bethany, of course, can’t speak yet, so her parents helped us with her signing.

This child has caused quite a stir in the medical community. “We did not know fetuses could understand through the uterine walls and communicate,” Dr. Kahn explained. “This new knowledge is going to be integral in future child deliveries,” continued Dr. Kahn.

“I can now foresee a world where the child determines the birth plan. Or, even, what color they would like their room to be. The opportunities are endless,” Dr. Kahn was being taught sign language by the infant when we left him.

For now, Bethany’s family are running around fulfilling Bethany’s every wish. So far she has wanted to get a puppy, meet Harry Potter, sit in her poopy diaper for an entire day, and see what all the fuss was about with The Walking Dead. “We have had an incredible time fulfilling all of Bethany’s wishes.” Mrs. Hollis stated. “We suspect she can even read lips now too. Which is convenient when we are having adult conversations,” Mrs. Hollis began to cry. The pride was all too much. Mr. Hollis was unavailable for comment as he had Bethany on a helicopter tour of the city.

If you would like to see Bethany in action, she is currently scheduled to tour with Donald Trump as his hearing impaired interpreter. Apparently she believes she can make a real difference telling us in sign language that, “Nelson Mandela’s memorial service interpreter, Thamsanqa Jantjie, is her hero.” She also believes her training in poop sitting will be of service.


  1. Amazing. I look forward to the first child who, in the delivery room, looks at the doctor wearing a surgical mask and asks, “Is this a robbery or are you just ugly?”

  2. Babies already hold us hostage as it is!

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