Subway Etiquette 201
I didn’t think I needed a follow up for the Subway Etiquette 101 post, but clearly the word did not spread and the subway is still a hot mess. And I mean that literally. It is 30 Celcius out and half the cars don’t have A/C.
So here are more tips for you in case you come to our wonderful city and want to get from point A to B without Uber. Read both articles for full impact and to really feel like a local. Subway Etiquette 201:
- I like that your legs are sweaty too and that you press them against mine in a real man-spread. Sexy. Remember though when I attempt to pry apart from you we will stick together and I am married so you might be hard to explain.
- Mmmm… mouth breathers. Please stand near me.
- If you are an extra large size person, it is ideal if you find an open seat beside someone instead of taking an open seat with no neighbour. This leaves plenty of room for families travelling together. Good thinking.
- It is best to ‘let one go’ just as you are exiting the car. That way you leave the present with the other riders and they are not tempted to give it back saying ‘you shouldn’t have’.
- Taking your shoes off is a relief after a long day. By all means air those toes out for all of us to enjoy.
- An umbrella is best suited on the floor to roll around and to make it into the isle for others to
- Body odour is most often cherished while holding the handrail above other passengers.
- When faced with open seats, it is ideal if you sit beside a young girl who is frightened by your rasta hair, excessive tattoos and coffin shaped guitar case. Face your fears head on I always say and it is time that girl grew up and got a pair.
- Grooming is a suitable activity for the subway. You have the time to brush your hair and clean your nails. Heck, there is even a perfectly good floor to put your nail clippings and boogers on. Why let it go to waste?
- If you need to get off and people are in your way, the best course of action is to meekly say excuse me. No one likes a pushy person or an authoritative stranger. If you miss your stop, try, try again.
- Ugly cries on the subway are a way to endear yourself to other passengers. Especially accompanied with the ‘please help me and my snot’ look. Charming.
I hope you have all the information you need to feel safe and secure on Toronto’s Transit System. Get out those tokens and Purell and ride the rocket.