The 5-Second Rule Explained (aka The 5-Seconds Does Not Appy to Toilets)

The 5-Second Rule Explained (aka The 5-Seconds Does Not Appy to Toilets)

I didn’t think I would have to explain this, but apparently, not everyone in our house understands this rule with the possible exception of the dog who is very discerning about what he consumes from the floor.

The five-second rule only works if the following conditions exist:

  1. Dry, clean floor. If the dry floor in question is a bathroom, public, or outdoor space, there is not even a nanosecond-rule for that.
  2. Dry food. If the food is sticky or runny, like ice cream or a lollipop, say goodbye.
  3. It does not roll under furniture. Even grapes will attract dust bunnies like a teen boy to porn.
  4. The dog didn’t get to it first. That lovely cashew coated in dog snot is not going in my mouth.
  5. It is worthy. If it is broccoli, throw it out. If it is a cookie–go for it.

The reason I give you these rules is simple. A toothbrush fell into the toilet at our house (I won’t says whose or by whom but they were one and the same) and the person in question evoked the 5-second rule after a rinse in cold water. If a toothbrush even falls on the floor, I put it in the dishwasher or pitch it. There is no rinsing and replacing. Am I wrong?

I also caught a family member trying to eat a fry off the floor of the car. Although worthy, the floor is not dry enough given it is snow season, and it is likely never clean enough and should be considered an outdoor space since it’s floor only touches outdoor shoes. Maybe the family member in question thought the road salt might add a new distinct flavour. I’ll ask.

I have witnessed one of our teens drop a candy out of their mouth onto the floor and attempt to rinse and repeat. I get it. Candies are amazeballs and are not often readily available. Rinsing seems the logical answer. But hair loves sticky. We all lose hair. Hair may will get stuck under the rinse coating and take you by surprise. This is from personal experience. Trust.

We love our dog. We kiss Scooby, accept kisses and probably have consumed dog snot and dog slobber on more than one occasion. But I do watch that precious boy shove that nose into the yellow snow every day for his dog form of Snapchat. I call it pee-mail. Do I want other dog’s elimination on that cashew? Yeah. No!

Kids, if you drop all of your broccoli, I am going to make you eat it. If you drop one and the dog helps vacuum, you are good. If you drop a cookie, we will have a race to see who gets it first. Me, the dog, and the dropper. Hint: I always win.

But never, under any circumstance, should something that has been in a toilet go into your mouth. First in your mouth, then the toilet. Capiche?


  1. I don’t care whether it’s food or not. If something that normally goes in your mouth goes in the toilet consider it gone. Say farewell, play “Taps”, and give it a burial at sea.
    Did the individual in question have some sentimental attachment to the toothbrush? If so make a framed picture with a caption like “So long and thanks for all the brush-offs.”
    Then let it go.
    And even if the five-second rule did apply in this case a rinse with cold water is never enough. The appropriate measure is hot water.
    Hot enough to melt plastic.
    Christopher recently posted…Holy Mackerel.My Profile

  2. I’d never considered the dishwasher as an option, but it’s a good one for some kinds of disinfecting. But your rules are sound, as far as I’m concerned. I hardly ever pick something off the floor in order to eat it. It would have to be not only worthy, but like $40 worthy.
    Jay recently posted…Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find ThemMy Profile

  3. I think you’re on the right side in all these cases. Much as I love candy or fries, there are limits to what I’m prepared to to have come into contact with them before I eat them. (Incidentally, I love the pee-mail name!)
    Bun Karyudo recently posted…Something to Chew OnMy Profile

  4. Hair is my biggest issue. I hate it. I HATE IT. I cannot emphasize enough how much I hate it. So, yeah, anything even REMOTELY sticky is not going to be considered worthy. And the toilet? That’s a place that is gross AND also has hair. So, nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nopers.

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