The Dead Series: Dun dun… dun dun… dun dun…

The Dead Series: Dun dun... dun dun... dun dun...

This is the next instalment of The Dead Series. I will tell you all my death defying acts over the years and you can feel better about yourself and shake your head in disgust at me. Win/win.


The Dead Series: Dun dun… dun dun… dun dun…

You know I recently talked about a shark attack, but did you know I was almost the victim of one? That’s right, you are talking to a true life survivor of a shark attack. Wait for your mouth to close before you read on because no one likes a mouth breather.

Picture it, 1995. I was on my honeymoon (with Mister obvs) and we were on an island in Fiji. We honeymooned in Fiji because it was one of the free stop options on our way to live in Melbourne, not because we could afford to go to Fiji from Thunder Bay because that was a big NO. We spent a really fun week on the main island where both Mister and I almost died.

First, we thought we had kicked the jet lag thing by waking at 10am the first day. We headed to the pool and ordered a drink that cost more than my swimsuit. The death stare alone when my new husband returned was enough to end the honeymoon (I gave him a sweet smile and never ordered another and all was good). We lounged by the pool and woke only when we heard the laughter of the tourists at the bar watching us, saw the pool (and my overpriced cocktail) overflowing and noticed the torrential downpour we were lounging in. Onlookers thought we were hysterical (No, they did not check if we were dead! Bastards the lot of them.)

Later that day, I almost died again because the cockroaches in our room were the size of birds and I had a little heart attack every time I had to jump on the bed screaming while I watched Mister run around wielding a flip flop. Mister almost died because he and some Aussie bloke we met sidled across a ledge on the second floor to see if they could get to our room without touching the ground. Alcohol may have been involved.

Back to the shark… We spent the second half of our honeymoon on an island called Treasure Island. Is was a sweet and boring place, perfect for recuperating from a wedding, a trip across the world, jet lag and our already three near-death experiences. On day 3 on the island we were feeling a bit too sedate. We watched as the neighbouring Beach Comber Island, 1.5km away, partied into the middle of the morning and were jealous that we saw nobody moving until about noon. We could see everything that was going on and I am sure Mister was craving a bit of cool kid time as I was. If we could see and hear them, then surely we could swim to them, right?

We put on the borrowed snorkel and fins and proceeded to swim across the “narrow” channel to the party zone. We would get our boogie on all afternoon and then swim back (OK, so we hadn’t fully thought that through).

It was a beautiful swim. The coral was so close the whole time you could touch it. It was idyllic except that Mister kept banging his knee on it when he kicked. We were halfway to the party when it happened. As the blood pooled around my beloved’s knees, the floor dropped out of the ocean. We were suddenly in open water. I heard the Jaws theme playing and I looked at my bleeding husband and realized I only had to swim faster that bleedy-McBleed-meister to save myself. I stopped. Mister stopped. The abject horror on his face told me what I needed to know. We will get a cheap beer on the beach. OUR beach thank-you-very-much. I have never swam so fast in my life.

When we arrived at our beach we had several staff look at us like we were fucking mad. What? We couldn’t have been the first Canadian tourists to attempt this. Maybe it was because somebody was fatally attacked by a shark nearby only 4 months previously that they gave us that look. We will never know…

 * Photo Credits: http://www.fiji-hotels.com.fj/data/82/tour_309/untitled-2.gif http://www.sharkattackdata.com/attack/fiji/yasawa_islands/1995.05.24


Comments

  1. I’m glad to hear that despite your many close shaves you remain very much not yet dead. I think you might be better sticking to the swimming pool in the future, though.

  2. You and Mister sure like living on the edge.
    kdcol recently posted…It’s goodbye summer (again)My Profile

    • If I wasn’t with Mister, I think I would have been lunch for something large with teeth. He has a tendency to have very good luck and I bring him down. If only he had known before our trip, it might have saved him a lifetime of close calls.

  3. Blood+Sharks+Ocean=Nothing good
    Jana recently posted…And So It BeginsMy Profile

  4. At first I thought you should bubble wrap your house & all possessions, but then I thought, why not just bubble wrap Kristine?

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