The Vagina-Logues: Insert 2
I pee a little when I sneeze, jump, run or watch action movies so I have been going to a pelvic floor therapist (is that what the cool kids call TMI?). So far, less dribble and more dancing so I have been happy. I am not done yet and recently went back to my tuna taco therapist for a second
insertion session and another blog entry into the vagina-logues. Here is the update in case you wanted to follow along. If you didn’t want to follow along but know that I will amuse you anyway with at least 7 vagina euphemisms, keep reading.
- I no longer pick up marbles with my anus. Now I am leaving my anus alone and concentrating on my fur burger.
- I have three exercises to do to straighten out my hips because I am crooked. I forgot all three exercises immediately because my brain is crooked too.
- On my second appointment my lady passage was introduced to two fingers. I am excited to find out what happens on my sixth appointment. Is it a bring a friend date or will she introduce me to lefty? Something to look forward to.
- I have to pick up my ping pong ball with my poon in order to stand up from a chair or lift an object. I am going to plan a trip to Thailand. Cull from that what you will.
- As I have started cleansing with coconut oil, my macaroon muff has never smelled more tropical. Now I am to add blueberries. As I exhale I am to imagine picking up a blueberry and gently bring it up my sausage tunnel. Maybe I will leave the sausage out though.
There you have it. If you read this through your hand with a wince, you can relax now the beaver portion of this programme has been concluded. So put that in your ham wallet and smoke it. Just one more as a bonus: Pink Canoe. I really do have a gift.
* That image is supposed to be a bearded clam. Just go back to squinting and turn your head a little to the left and you will see the magic.