What you missed while you were having fun and I was entertaining myself

I wanted to summarize the fun you missed while you were all having sangrias on the dock this summer (in no particular order. Actually, that is not true. It is order that I remembered them):

  1. I broke my first born while singing karaoke.
  2. I found out why I don’t get expensive spa treatments.
  3. I educated you all on the colour of fly poop. And then a fly pooped in my eye.
  4. My husband tried to explain the mile high club to our son. (This story ended up in a book so it is no longer here. Buy the book and read what you missed).
  5. I saw my neighbour naked.
  6. The government just kept giving me money.
  7. I narrowly escaped going to prison.
  8. I was this |—————————-| close to marrying a sturgeon.
  9. Other shit too fun to mention for fear you will be all like ‘kids? How come we don’t have much fun in the summer? All this lazing around and being at camps can’t compare to my cyber-friend Kristine. Do you know that she almost died? Why can’t we have adventures like that?’

What did you do? I clearly spent time amusing myself hoping for affirmation (which I clearly require and don’t get enough of). Please don’t leave me again!!

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