I Got Salmonella

I Got Salmonella

Every single time I hear Sia’s song ‘The Greatest,’ I sing the lyrics that I originally heard with my expert pitch-perfect ears. They are obvious… ‘I got salmonella,’ instead of ‘I got stamina.’ Don’t tell me you didn’t think those were the lyrics originally? I can’t be the only one.

The Greatest was not written in a key I am comfortable with because Sia forgot to confer with me first, as you will soon notice. The crazy dancing was meant to be like the video and I know it is ridiculous so feel free to make fun because it makes me laugh too. The kids called the whole thing “Cringe,” which is teen speak means, “Amazing.” Mister thinks he won’t be able to watch it which means he is intimidated by my talent. Not the talent I have at really understanding what my family is saying, my talent for making a fool of myself and sharing it.

I have been trying to get this out for months but was worried that it didn’t quite turn out how I wanted. But, I finally decided to post it ‘nonperfect’ (see what I did there?) and accept my criticism with the love intended. So troll me if you will and I will assume you mean love. If you don’t mean love, I will still assume that, so I’m not sure how you are going to get around this circular argument. Maybe, you could share this video on Facebook and see what others think. Just thinking out loud.

Enjoy my crazy. <3



If you liked this video, you might like this as well. If Trump Were a Girl


  1. You’re amazing! I love love love to rewrite songs and I’ve done videos but you clearly put me to shame. Time to step up my game and apparently invest in a selfie stick. *shudder* really well done!! Your family should be kissing the ground you walk on!

    • My family (aside from my mother) are NOT kissing the ground I walk on. They know that instead of cleaning that ground I am making up stupid dances and songs with the selfie stick they bought for me and they would likely contract salmonella with just that one kiss. Or chlamydia. Or, hepatitis. Or, leprosy. Maybe we should collaborate 🙂

  2. Funny, funny, funny. You rock. Great walls colours!

  3. I kiss the ground you walk on! Except in the he bathroom?
    Love Mom

  4. Bravo!
    I completely and unironically love this although I really want to do your makeup to make you look even sicker. I’m not an expert or anything but I have done a fair amount of Halloween makeup and I’m also hooked on the show Face/Off, but your camera work is so perfect I don’t think it could be recreated.
    Christopher recently posted…Train Pigeons.My Profile

  5. I thought this was going to be about another trip to the E.R. I’m so relieved that it isn’t! This was wonderful and you are much less camera shy than when you first started. The only song that makes me crazy is “Secret Agent Man” – the way he slurs the words, it always sounds like (and no offense meant) “Secret Asian Man” – which doesn’t make any sense, but then, who cares. Keep these coming – I love your versatility.

    • I know that song and think your lyrics are better because that is what I thought the words were too. I turn up the radio really loud and squint to see if I can get the lyrics right but then end up googling them.
      PS: Knock knock on wood about the ER… It’s been months!

  6. Ha! I actually had to stop watching and start all over again because I was laughing so hard as you hurled over the toilet.

    My wife had this song on auto-repeat for several weeks so I COMPLETELY relate with your choreography.

    The song she had on auto-repeat was the decent “first-go” that Sia put out as the obvious plug for your much more masterful and meaningful rendition. Now its my turn to reintroduce some culture back into our lives. Thank you so much!
    Gabe recently posted…(Almost) Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

    • I found your comment between sexy teen virgins and penis enlargement in my spam folder. I almost kept you there, because that sounded like a fun vacation.
      I LOVE your comment! Sia’s ears must be burning and please do put me on repeat with your wife. Let me know if you get through it even once because my family didn’t.
      Thanks for the praise. Maybe a monster has been unleashed…

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