Juror #9 and The Killing

Juror #9 and The Killing

I received a notice in the mail to report for jury duty. I might be among the handful of people in the world who can say this, but I really want to serve on a jury. Criminal proceedings are fascinating. In my grade 12 law class, the teacher and I were the only attendees who didn’t fall asleep when we observed in court one day (ah, field trips). The lawyers were debating a point of law and I loved the formality and the banter.

Besides, as the judge in ‘my case’ said, other than taxes, it is the only time my country ever asks anything of me in return from my amazing standard of living. So, I went hoping to serve.

While the majority of people in the room were clutching notes from doctors. I went clutching my Kindle and my coffee. I was soon told to put the coffee away in His Honour’s Courtroom. Jury duty seemed less exciting in that moment and I wish I had gone to my doctor, but I snapped out of it and put the coffee away with only a tiny tear.

The judge came in to do his spiel as I listened and tried not to smile. I didn’t want to appear too eager so I looked around the room to emulate the apathetic, pissed-off demeanor of my potential fellow jurors. I was certain that the guy sitting directly in front of my was going to presume guilt and we were already going to have a problem.

The judge then told us he had some good news. He mentioned that we were all there for one case. A first-degree murder trial. I almost squealed and could not surprise the smile. Imagine, days and days of leaving the house with Mister in charge of dishes, dinner, and the kids’ schlepping around. That is the dream folks! Imagine, if I got sequestered because of media interference? A hotel bed to myself for weeks with someone feeding me from a menu. I was about to have a paid vacation. I snapped back as His Honour was saying that for first-degree murder trials they need to host the juror selection in the biggest courtroom in Canada (cool) and we were all there to be chosen for this case only instead of several cases as was usual. Cool cool cool.

Then he said a phrase that made me unsure I had read the situation correctly. He said, “The good news is that I settled this matter out of court last evening and it was too late to call all of you in time for your appearance here this morning. So, you have the day off.” Pardon? I thought the good news was the first-degree murder trial announcement. I looked around to find the exact flummoxed expression and found only joy. I toggled between confusion, shock, disappointment, and true heartbreak. To pour Trump on the wound (can we try and make this catch on?), he announced that because we had shown up, we had officially served our country and would be taken off the jury pool for the next three years. I had no words.

The only consolation was when I returned home. I turned to my best friend, Netflix, and they recommended The Killing. Netflix understands me. Had there been a jury trial in the show, I may have curled into a ball and rocked myself all day, but there wasn’t. Instead, it was just pure, gory, suspenseful, edge-of-your-seat wonderment. I have since finished all the episodes and my bff recommended The Fall. Damn. You are good Netflix. Just good.

To tell you just how good they are to me, they also sent me Twizzlers. Really, they could have stopped at the Twizzlers as I am so easily bought with candy. They also sent me an iPad (seriously!) and these really cool camera lenses for my iPhone from PhotoJojo. See what they do? These pics were all taken from a tripod of a 12-Fruit Jury. In some of the shots, you can see the grapefruit presiding over the proceedings in the background. You can also see the highlighter green wall I painted to surprise Mister one day. Funny, he noticed the change right away.

This is the original 12-Fruit Jury shot before they are changed by their experience.

This is the polarizer lens. I’m not sure what it does, but I’m pretty sure it polarizes the jury with polar opposite theories to throw us off. The guy sitting in front of me at selection probably preferred this lens.

This is the fisheye lens and a good shot of my kitchen. The bowl of cherry tomatoes did not know they were invited to the party and were pissed that I put them on the internet, so I ate them when I was done.

Wide angle juries feel fat shamed so I am going to call this the ‘extra space for comfort’ lens instead.

This is the telephoto and I knocked out the kiwi with this one. Technically, Kiwi’s can’t sit on Canadian juries, so I think it is justified. (BTW: Kiwis is slang for New Zealanders.)

Finally, the super fisheye. You can see where I pushed the counter mess to the left side in this one so it is really the most telling for a jury. I can’t get away with anything.

Anyway, these lenses magnetize on the outside of your phone. I’ve been having the most fun with the fisheye lens of course. This is what my eye looks like as a fish.

I love how long my eyelashes look and there appears to be little to no whites of my eyes so I will never be shot by a sniper.

Thanks, Netflix for not only saving my despair from the jury duty ‘too close’ fiasco but for continuing to believe in me 🙂

Other Netflix I am watching include Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events (not just for kids and completely hysterical), The OA, and Paranoid. Really, I didn’t have time for jury duty with all my streaming. Maybe it is a win/win after all.

#NetflixStreamTeam

If you liked this post, you might also like my 5 Qualifications to be My Best Friend post here.


Comments

  1. Love the jury pics! There is always a chance for you to lock someone up in 3 years. Stay optimistic!

  2. I got called for jury duty a few years back and would have loved to serve – glad I’m not the only odd one that way! Unfortunately for me, that year I happened to be the breadwinner while my husband went back to school to change careers, so I had to get myself exempted for financial reasons. Man shall not live on $20/day alone.

    Oh well, someday. Maybe. Assuming they actually select me and don’t immediately write me off as a weirdo because I’m the only one in the room who looks pleased to be there.
    Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted…Letters to my miscellaneous anatomy.My Profile

  3. I’m sorry/Happy for your loss Kristine. Win-wins come in all sorts of flavors, and it looks like you took the time to keep changing ur perspective until u found the one that showed u in the best light. (see how many cliches I threw in here… it’s in honor of one of your older posts that I still think is hilarious)

    Cheers!

  4. It’s great news that you’ll never get shot at by a sniper, Kristine! I am sorry to hear that you won’t be able to serve on a jury for a while, though. Perhaps there’ll be a nice little case waiting for you in three years. (And if you’re lucky, the might reduce the waiting time for good behavior.)
    Bun Karyudo recently posted…Plumbing the Spotless DepthsMy Profile

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