Love In The Time of Covid
At dinner the other night, the family had a conversation about things we were fantasizing about. Besides the expected of being able to enjoy some freedom and the company of someone other than the people in our home, we had some general thoughts about things missed. I had actually woke myself up the night prior dreaming of hand lotion but desperately missed our cleaning lady when I had to, gasp, wash all our floors the other day. Our daughter had a fantasy about going out for lunch. Our son was all good as is, in fact, we believe he was born for isolation but did mention the gym. Mister shared the gym fantasy and he has been talking about Starbucks. “When do you think we’ll be able to walk to Starbucks again?” It’s the small things.
It is nice we are all together and I am thankful we have a house big enough for all of us to not be in each other’s space 24/7. But what about the people who currently don’t have people? Dating without the wine and dine, long walks on the beach, and benefits must be stressful. So I offer a choice, for those single people whose singleness might be a disadvantage in the Covid age. You can find someone. You just have to use a new language. And, as a former brand manager for Lavalife, I have a unique perspective on what works in personal ads. Here’s help.
Genuine Person Seeking Genuine Person
I’m new to this dating scene, but I heard that placing an ad in the local paper was the perfect way to find a like-minded life partner. I have never read the paper, but I saw this on Instagram, so it must be true.
As for me, I like walks in the front yard and back yard. Occasionally, I can be seen enjoying a long walk 6′ away from other humans.
I love to travel from the kitchen to the dining room and even sometimes the basement. But I’m equally comfortable cozying up on the living room couch with a glass of wine and my phone.
My perfect life partner would enjoy previously frozen food and long months of isolation. They would be a master of communication and fluent in many languages. I, myself, am fluent in Zoom, FaceTime, Google Meets, Netflix Party, and Messenger Video Chat.
You must own your own sanitizer, have daytime and nighttime pyjamas, have a storage closet full of toilet paper and have used items you found around the house for a face mask. Disdain for your neighbours who won’t cross the street when you approach is a bonus.
My friends say I’m good on the mute button on Zoom, always seem to be wearing pants, and are drinking more than I used to but don’t seem to have a problem.
Speaking of my friends, friends and family are really important to me. I have contacted each of them at least once during this pandemic and refuse to see them for their own safety. Our relationships are so strong, I don’t have to talk to them often. I just know they are there for me.
I am really tall, slim, and take very good care of myself. My personal hygiene and grooming schedules have remained intact during the pandemic. I just prefer to wear hats and add a filter to my selfies so that others aren’t intimidated by how well I’m doing during home isolation. Besides, it keeps the sense of mystery alive.
Exercise? You bet! I’ve been all over the house exercising. Just yesterday, I carried a really full basket of dirty laundry down two flights of stairs. You could say I’m buff, but I’d say I’m just healthy.
My life, right now, is at a 10 on the amazing scale. I’m just looking for someone to share it with from a comfortable distance.
Don’t worry, we won’t tell people we met in a bar.
I love how you always see the silver lining.
How is it possible that I’ve gotten lazier with all this home time? Cleaning seems to be too much of an effort since it’s only going to get dirty again. My brain has gone back to when I was 12 and couldn’t see the value of making my bed since I was only going to get back in it again later.
I’m glad you are all doing well (as are we) and hope we don’t jump the gun on re-opening the world.
I only wear pull-on pants. Does that make me lazy? I’m with you on the cleaning. After 3 weeks I finally washed the floors, did the showers (and for a place you get clean, they are a bitch to clean), and dusted. I’m good for another 3, except the fucking laundry keeps showing up. Ugh!
That’s awesome Krissy!! Laughing out loud I was! Happy Easter.
Happy Easter to you too. Glad to make you laugh 🙂
That’s brilliant, but left me wondering if this crisis is putting a real damper on those “missed connections” ads, if those still exist. Or maybe it’s caused a major uptick in them: “Saw you getting the last package of TP at the store. Want to discuss exchange for half of the last frozen chicken?”
Also could I get the number of the woman seeking nothing?
Asking for a friend.
Christopher recently posted…Getting There.
That was me at the store. I can’t get TP in Toronto, so I headed to Nashville. That’s normal, right?!
Sorry, the woman seeking nothing has disconnected her phone to live in isolation in peace.
Ha! Love it! My 90’s cybersexing skills would come in handy right now if I needed them. Which I don’t.
Arionis recently posted…Taking Requests
Your wife is in the other room and she has her phone with her… Just sayin’ Spice it up.
She didn’t really respond favorably to the pic of nutmeg I texted her. ?
Arionis recently posted…Taking Requests
Try an eggplant. I hear that’s what the cool kids send.
Ha! Good suggestion.