Training My Dog, One Netflix Show at a Time
I don’t know about your dog, but I think my dog is lazy. He spends an inordinate amount of time each day sleeping at the door. Sleeping under the coffee table. Sleeping on the grass in the backyard. It is disconcerting. I have been pursuing Netflix as a personal hobby and have discovered a wealth of dog knowledge there to aide my lazy canine in the ways of the world.
- Dogs with Jobs – self-explanatory really. I have a job. The kids have school. Mister works really hard. Why is Scooby such a slacker?
- Homeward Bound – Dogs finding their way home through the treacherous wilderness without their person screaming their names or wagging treats or putting up posters. Now that is a dog!
- Lassie – Saving people. Say no more.
- Space Buddies – Dogs in space saving humans from having to spend so much time away from their families. #Genius
- 101 Dalmatians – Dogs saving each other from evil scalping and inhaling each other’s spaghetti instead of inhaling eat other’s scent. I want just one of those dogs. OK, maybe two.
- Air Bud – The dog wins the game for the home team and saves his owner from personal embarrassment. I could certainly use the help in the embarrassment category.
- Russell Madness – No shit. This is a real movie about a wrestling dog who’s coach is a monkey. I can’t even make this shit up and trust me, it is on my wishlist to watch with Scooby.
- Underdog – Underdog flies around protecting the capital city from crime. Toronto is the capital of Ontario (and maybe even the universe) so Scooby should really be doing more in my estimation.
The movie I will not show Scooby; however, is Eight Below. We nicknamed this dog movie ‘The Movie that ruined Nova Scotia’. We were away for two weeks missing our Scoobs and Mister picked this movie up at the Motel desk (that was not a typo. I said Motel). We called it Lord of the Flies Motel, but that is another story. Suffice it to say, the movie contains many lovely dogs at the beginning all working hard as sled dogs. Good learnings for Scooby. But then when the brutal winter takes all the people away and the dogs are there to fend for themselves attached to one another by chains, the story takes a grave turn. Only the strongest survive is the moral. You conclude the rest.
I have decided. If Scooby doesn’t smarten up with this amazing dog programming, I might be tempted to turn on the Dog Whisperer, or worse, Dog With a Blog. Get off your lazy ass and start smarting Scooby. Or just come and let me rub your belly and give me a slobbery kiss and we’ll call it even.
Wanted to ask where are all my commenters? I miss you. I don’t feel loved until you send me something funny. Please, please, please. Shit, now I am begging. Guess Scooby is rubbing off after all. I think I need a new co-worker, or a job that gets me out of the house for a walk. Damn!