What Your Choice of Movie Snacks Says About You
Cue the stunt double while I tell you what your choice in movie snacks says about you. There is no science in this, just good fun. Sit back and enjoy the show!
- Popcorn. No coincidence that this is number 1. Popcorn is definitely my favourite/only choice for movie snack. I can not enter a movie theatre without the fake buttery goodness of golden-drenched salty starch. I think popcorn means you love a bit of nostalgia, order, and traditions. You also have a logical side. You believe that the word ‘corn’ in your snack justifies the purchase because – vegetable. Your salivary glands respond to smell and sound and have no relation to the previously consumed meal still digesting. It is of no real relevance whether you are full or not. Auto pilot to the concession stand, please. Extra napkins!
- Liquorice and other candy. Although I love liquorice, in fact I love candy in general, I would never select it for my snack. Candy lovers are non-traditional but not enough to be rebellious. They are sharers because they know they have lots in that giant bag. They wouldn’t think to mix savoury and sweet so they will gladly give you one, in return for none of your popcorn. They are ideal dates that way for popcorn lovers. Add that to your online dating profile.
- Chocolate. I respect the chocolate eaters as much as the candy consumers. Truthfully, I do. I have a little bit of chocolate every day. My current obsession is dark salted Lindt. 2 squares to spare a day keeps mama happy. At a theatre, chocolate means that you savour the moments. There is not enough chocolate in a candy bar to share so you have to slow down your consumption throughout the movie. You are likely a real people person: savouring the moments and making each square special like they are friends. Admirable.
- Just a drink. Will power or WTF?! I know, I know, you just had a big meal and aren’t hungry. What about the word ‘snacks’ are you not understanding? Drinks only folks are the true rebels. They have the access and the power. They even waited out the big line for that water. Maybe they even have the sugar rush of a pop in that hand. They are confident and crazy in one. If I wasn’t such a traditionalist, this is where I would be. But you already know I’m a WTF?!…
- Nachos. Are you at a ball game? I love the melted goodness of fake hot cheese, don’t get me wrong. But, how are you supposed to have nachos without a beer and the constant yelling required? It has been my experience that people don’t like yelling and spilling of drinks in a movie. Nachos are for those who only just like movies and go because it is a socially acceptable place to bring a date to show off ‘their softer side’. What it really means is they are way more in touch with their manly side (you too girls) and would rather be yelling at an ump. No judgement, just truth.
- Other concessions like ice cream, sandwiches etc. Although ice cream as a food group is totally respectable (duh, dairy), as are sandwiches and pizza, the choice of ‘snack’ should not include meal items, in my humble opinion. If you select a meal item as your movie snack it means that you are a misplaced rebel. You will go with the heard to the movies but refuse to conform to the idea of traditional movie snacks. This same person is likely to leave the movie and order a water at the bar claiming an early meeting. They have a rebellious side but don’t know which one it is.
- Nothing. I have only two words. Chill pill! If you can’t buckle in and spend two mindless hours pouring empty calories into your yap with friends then how are you ever going to have a martini again? Same rationale. Me no compute.
- I’ll just have some of yours. This one requires no explanation. Ok, maybe a bit but I have to yell. GET YOUR OWN GODDAMN SNACKS CHEAPO! The entitled grab without asking is grounds for separation… In the theatre that is. Get out of my vegetables! I am trying to be healthy over here.
If you find yourself in a category that doesn’t match what I said, give me the real goods in the comments.