To My Water Dispenser, With Love
Dearest Water Dispenser,
We have had an 8-year relationship, and I am not sure if I have properly acknowledged your contribution to my life. Now I wish to do so.
Your beautiful styling and functional cold and boiled water dispensing goodness are above reproach. We started on the filtered water road with your lackluster cousin, the Brita. To use a phrase from Community; They Britta’d the hell out of that thing. They forgot that sometimes water is best served hot. So we graduated. We paid the tuition to be schooled in the art of filtered water. Now, as a graduate, I will Brita no more because I found you.
When I need hydration, you are there.
When I need boiled water for tea, you are there.
When I need boiled water because I scorched the pan and want to get the
evidence grime removed stat/before Mister comes home to see, you are there.
When I need a lot of filtered water for coffee, you are there.
When I need boiled water because the coffee maker is on the fritz and I have pulled out the Bodum in desperation, you are there.
Your filter may be frustrating, bordering on ridiculous to change, but it is worth it.
You may slow down your production when I neglect to change said filter because it is craptacularly designed and fully vacuum seals in the tube so I have to call in Mister for the strength of Job. In truth, I can’t be bothered to put my head in the same cupboard as the garbage. “The kids” miss the bin often, and it is an ant’s dream and a mouse’s hotbed under there. But you still work despite my lack of maintenance. You know the frustration of me not having coffee is worse than the frustration of trying to filter water through a brick wall of previously filtered water gunk.
Your original manufacturer may have discontinued you and, when you broke, I had to buy 80% of your system over because the parts were no longer available. I had to resort to, choke, tap water for months. But you were patient when I was not. You were there for me even through those trying times. You may not have helped the situation because you taunted me with your shiny handles that did not work, like a hooker on a dinner break, but you were still there.
When we left the previous house, I was sad to have left you in your home. The only one you had ever known. But we found your sister and installed her here. You are both orphans in a box no longer. Truthfully, it is the least I can do for all you have done for me.
So I thank you, dearest water dispensary system. I thank you for your years of service. For your dedication to my liquid intake. For your sleek design and patience with me. I thank you from the bottom to the top of my cup.
My cup runneth over because of you.
Your faithfully hydrated sink buddy,