Perfectionists Not Wanted

Perfectionists Not Wanted

I am a closet perfectionist. I know it is hard to tell by my lackadaisical writing style, but I am constantly obsessing about certain things. Not cleaning, because that’s just weird. Other things like the cupboard doors, the clothing hangers and anything hanging on the wall are a constant source of stress if they are not perfect.

As I was straightening out a picture on the wall (how do they get crooked?), I started to think of jobs a perfectionist would NOT be good for. Look, if you want to be a pilot, car mechanic, forensic scientist or a dental hygienist your closet better be immaculate and Perfect should be your middle name! If you are not a perfectionist, choose your career wisely. I have a few suggestions on possible jobs. If you can think of others, feel free to add them to the comments. I love comments!


  1. Tax collectors. That one kind-of goes without saying.
  2. Your spouse’s assistant. If he/she is too efficient at getting things done, it makes me look bad. Screw up a bit and give a sister a break!
  3. Doctors. This might seems unusual, but if my doctor wanted me to be perfect, he better get longer office hours and more assistants. Surgeons on the other hand should be perfectionists. No Junior Mints are to be left in the making of a scar.
  4. Writers. Isn tit more endearing when I make a mistake 🙂 (tee hee, I just said tit)
  5. Photographers. All this high-resolution photography is ruining my self image. I look in the mirror and the edges are softened and I look ok, maybe even hot sometimes. It might be that my eyes are a bit blurry, but that is the advantage of getting older. Your eyes blur so you always think you look great. Now, when the kids take my picture, even with my old-lady eyes I can tell how ancient I look.
  6. Police officers who write me a ticket. Did you know if they write down your birthday wrong, you can get the ticket thrown out? Ditto with any information on that lovely slip of paper. I have yet to meet an officer who doesn’t get it right–not that I have many run-ins with the law or anything.
  7. Teachers. I had a teacher once who didn’t mark that you got a 84% on a paper, he would mark -16% because he was a stinker. Once he got it wrong. I knew I had bombed but I was surprised to see -18% on my paper. Don’t tell him, but he meant to put -72%.
  8. Trainers. When he says 3 more and you only do 1 yet he still moves on the the next exercise, that’s a good thing.
  9. Bartenders. oz? What’s an oz?
  10. Parents. This is a whole article in and of itself. Parents are not perfect and that is good. Good because it provides the kids loopholes to get away with stuff, get into trouble and learn from their mistakes. Good because it takes the pressure off parents. I am proud to be an imperfect parent. Stand up slackers! Celebrate our ineptitudes and embrace the learning you are giving those progeny. Because the less perfect you are, the better chance those munchkins have to be less than perfect too. How else are you going to get a doctor in the family I ask?

Flawless logic. Perfect in fact.


  1. It’s really hard to think of professions where you don’t want to deal with a perfectionist. We want construction workers, cooks–even the fast food ones–dentists, copy editors, firemen, cops, and so many others to be perfectionists even though perfectionists are so annoying to be around. If they would just limit perfectionism to their jobs it would be great but it always seems to spill over onto everything else. And don’t get me started on what happens if you spill something around a perfectionist.
    Cashiers shouldn’t be perfectionists, especially when handling real money. If you’re giving them a credit card an amount like $23.47 isn’t a problem, even though the credit card company’s gonna charge you interest. People who track what you owe at credit card companies get lumped in with tax collectors. Anyway I once had a cashier give me shit because I was two cents short paying for something. A dime I could understand, or even a nickel, but two cents?
    And now that I think about it most construction workers do limit their perfectionism to their jobs. That’s why they walk around with their butt crack hanging out.
    Christopher recently posted…Back To The Attic.My Profile

    • That was so funny Christopher. It is like you were listening to my thoughts when I was making the list. Cashier is a good one, as long as they don’t err on the side of the company. It cost me $14 to return something the other day because I didn’t notice that the original girl had punched it in wrong. I came back with the receipt and they wouldn’t give me the price I paid because that wasn’t the right garment. So I got the price on the tag minus the last sale price. If I could have birthed a cow at that moment it would have been epic.

  2. Wait…are you coming out of the closet as a perfectionist, or are you a perfectionist when it comes to closets (and all things hanging related)?

    The teacher in #7 sounds like a mean weirdo. Why would you emphasize the mistakes like that?! Although one year I helped my daughter’s 5th grade teacher by correcting homework and worksheets. I had to put a star by every single correct answer and leave the incorrect answers alone in order to de-emphasize the mistakes. She was afraid that the kids would feel bad if there were a lot of red marks on their paper. What a pain in the ass! It took me like 10 times as long as it would have if I’d just marked the wrong answers. And kids who got most or all the answers correct got their papers back covered in red ink. And I’d go home with a cramped hand.

    • All hanging things related kind of perfectionist.
      Some people just try too hard. If a kid gets it wrong, that is the one that should be obvious so they can correct their mistakes. If I had to find the wrong answers among all those stars as a parent, I might just say ‘good job honey’ instead because who has that kind of time?

  3. It’s exceptional logic plus my kids are pigs so the less perfect they are, the better the odds I have of having me a doc in the family…a really measy doc but cleanliness isn’t a requirement for med school.
    Sandra recently posted…Depression and the Dirty DishesMy Profile

  4. You might be right about doctors, but I think dentists should be an exception, just like surgeons. I don’t want one whipping out the wrong molar or something.

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