Why I Would Rather Be a Dance Mum Than a Hockey Mum

dance mum versus hockey mum revised

When it is dance competition season at our house the false eyelashes are flying and the glitter and feathers are all over the place. I am a Dance Mum. Proud to be actually. I have had the unfortunate opportunity to also be a hockey mum (small h and m because that is how I felt about it). I thought a comparison might be in order for those families currently deciding which activity to enrol their little cherubs in. BTW both my daughter and son are dancers so it doesn’t have to be just for girls. My wonderfully coordinated children also both skate like salmon so the hockey experiment was only three years of torture for my son until the day he proudly declared ‘I am giving up hockey!’. I went with a tentative ‘Are you sure? Once we say no it is hard to go back into the program.’ I will admit I was crossing my fingers at the time. He indicated that he was sure and I did a happy dance. Nobody ever does a happy hockey…


Dance Mums versus Hockey Mums. The Real Truth!

Dance MumsHockey Mums
Warm Venues!Cold as Ice
Fun music throughout the day.We Are The Champions and the National Anthem.
12 days a year parental commitment or only 4 weekends.Every fucking weekend until you get bench sores.
We can purchase highlighter pens that have a highlighter on one end and a pen on the other. How cool is that?You have a choice between watered down hot chocolate or crappy coffee.
No weapons are used in the performance of dances.Hockey sticks look awfully similar to jousts, battering rams, bats or spears.
We get to yell nice things like 'work it' or a big 'oh yeah', followed by a roaring round of applause for all performances.You are often yelling about things that have not been done by either the ref or a child. Shame on you for your negativity! What example are you setting?
We can take breaks. Our kid is on stage for only 3 minutes at a time. Plenty of time to sit and chat with friends in between numbers.You are stuck. If you have to pee. HA! You might miss your peaches scoring a goal, getting a penalty or God forbid, a concussion.
Mostly ribbons are given out and the studios keep the trophies. There is no need for a trophy shelf!Trophies just for showing up. Trophies for getting your equipment on. Trophies for not swearing. You get the picture.
No need to volunteer to coach. We know nothing and we like it that way!Have fun dodging the hockey mum who is trying to get her husband to stop coaching. It sounds exhausting.
We pay once and never speak of money again.You have a seemingly continuous fundraising requirement through raffle tickets, chocolate covered almonds or anything else door to door or at the office.
Everybody else is watching their own kid and doesn't notice when ours does something wrong.If your kid is hogging the puck, missed a goal, got an ill-timed penalty, the Team Mums are stink-eying you immediately. Maybe even shunning you if it cost the team the game.
Theatre seats with cushions.Your own butt is your only cushion.
Any equipment (leotards, tights etc) are machine washable and fresh as a daisy at the drop of some Tide.The stench of hockey equipment has been known to permeate concrete and steel. Bet your garage is fun to go into.
None of us believe that we are raising the next Karen Kain (famous Canadian ballerina before you have to look it up).It must be hard to have to compete with the continuous pressure to spew how well your progeny is progressing towards his pre-eminent NHL career.
We can see our child's face.You have to refer to your child as a number. So impersonal.
No projectiles are aimed at our baby.Everyone takes a turn in net when they are little. Hard objects are then hurled at him/her and the only way to stop them is to get in front of them.
Often the venues have a bar.The Bailey's in your pocket just makes you look desperate.


This is a purely subjective selection of points to fully support my argument. If you have additional points FOR hockey you can leave them in the comments below so that I may laugh. If you want to support my argument, add a comment below and I will send you a highlighter pen. *

I can think of only one ‘con’ for Dance Mums. The girls end up looking like hussies with their over-exaggerated makeup and not-quite-big-enough costumes. That is one I can easily get over because they only wear it four/sometimes five times and I don’t have to help my daughter into it. I am happily chatting with my friends over a latte from a real coffee shop not a canteen. I think that evens things out.

BTW: Both types of mums can be bat-shit crazy so I took that off the table. Just so you know…

* Not really. I love these pens and would never give them away!


  1. When I was young I took tap dancing, so yeah, fishnet stockings……We all used to wear the taps outside to get snacks – metal taps on concrete – parents were thrilled. At about 12 we all looked grown-up (read – slutty-looking children). Ahh, those were the days……

  2. I love this! While I’m a Canadian and I love a good hockey game (when the Leafs are winning), I am secretly thankful that neither of my children have taken an interest in playing hockey. Who wants bench sores??

  3. I don’t know if I even have a name. ‘Nothing’ mom? My oldest does some cross country and track through the school so there’s really nothing required of the parents (can I get a woohoo?). But my boys don’t really have a “thing” right now.

  4. As a definitely lower case hockey mom, I say hallelujah. I live for the day that my son gives it up. Of course, we’re on year 7 now and there’s no indication he’s letting it go before college.


  5. […] Mum Revised talks about why she would rather be a Dance Mom than a Hockey Mom.  […]

  6. It seems like dance in Canada is very differet from dance in the southern states. I live in Louisiana and I can’t bring myself to think about dance because dance segways staright into pageants which are a big “fuck no” from me. I would much rather ANY sport over dance.

  7. […] Mum Revised talks about why she would rather be a Dance Mom than a Hockey Mom.  […]

  8. I’m a former dancer, now teacher and mommy to 4 liitle ones. Thankfully my girls have chosen dance and gymnastics and I hope I can get my boys (and husband) to be interested in the same. I just can’t imagine doing any sort of team sports for ALL the reasons you listed above!
    Melissa Roy recently posted…Breastmilk Oversupply: Too Much of a Good Thing, AgainMy Profile

  9. […] the aftermath of Mother’s Day (I wanted to do this post before Mothers Day, but a dance competition stole my time) I was talking with a friend and dropped the f-bomb a couple of times. Nothing new. […]

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